[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
recreational drug user and garden variety manwhore. He glanced
around the supermarket, wondering where the hell Alex had snuck off
to with the cart. He definitely needed to remember to pick up some
coffee.
“Do you guys ever share dreams?” Lars asked.
Ben in the Shadows
75
Jasper turned back to him, feeling the color drain from his face.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“That night, when you found Danny…there was something I
didn’t tell you. I remembered his dream, too. The nightmare he had
when he was sleepwalking? I was there, dreaming the same thing,
right along with him. I don’t know if it’s just a natural part of mating
or what, but we’ve had other dreams together since then, which makes
me think you and Ben might…”
Jasper could hardly listen to what he was saying anymore. In the
weeks that he’d been with Ben, they had talked a lot, but Jasper had
always been careful to keep things from getting too heavy. He hadn’t
wanted to upset Ben so soon after things ended with Pierson, but more
than that, he hadn’t wanted to scare him away. Half the skeletons
Jasper had in his closet should have been enough to send any sane
man running from him, so he’d carefully avoided the subject of his
own wayward youth, stuffing it far down into his subconscious where
he wouldn’t have to worry about it.
Only he had worried about it, night after night, in his dreams.
And Ben had apparently been witness to all of them.
“So we share dreams?” Jasper repeated. “How is that even
possible?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s a mates thing.” Lars raked his eyes over
Jasper. “Why, do you think you’ve done it?”
Jasper nodded tensely. He couldn’t be one-hundred percent
certain, but it made sense. There had been more than a few nights
when, after a particularly bad nightmare, Jasper would go upstairs to
check on Ben and see him turning and moaning restlessly in his sleep.
Other times, Jasper would have a dream involving himself and a past
lover and see Ben glaring at him over the kitchen table at breakfast. If
those moments were all just coincidences, there were an awful lot of
them.
Jasper ran a hand over the back of his neck, feeling every muscle
tense as he watched Ben from across the aisle. He was still talking to
76
Ellen Ginsberg
Danny. “Does, ah…okay, shit,” Jasper stammered. “Danny knows
about this, obviously, but…I mean, you don’t think he’d tell Ben,
would he?”
“I don’t know,” Lars said. He looked at Jasper suspiciously.
“Please tell me you’re not going to try to hide this from him.”
“You don’t know what my dreams are like,” Jasper shot back at
him. Suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to him, and he winced.
Try as he may, he couldn’t shake the image of Ben humbly smiling in
his dream while Pierson explained to the adoring crowd before them
what a noble sacrifice he’d made, letting himself be cut up and
experimented on. “Or what Ben’s dreams are like. Jesus, he’s really
fucked up about all that stuff Pierson did to him. I mean, you have no
idea.”
“I have an idea,” Lars said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The
gesture comforted and annoyed Jasper in equal measure. “I’ve been
counseling him for two weeks now. I know. Just like I know he really
cares about you.” Jasper shrugged Lars’s hand away from him, but he
continued. “The same way you care about him.”
“How would you know if I cared about him?”
Lars gave him a look. “I walked past your room the other night
and you were sitting at your desk listening to Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ on
your laptop.”
“That doesn’t prove anythi—”
“On repeat.”
With no excuse for that other than the embarrassing truth, Jasper
glanced over his shoulder to try and plan an escape. “Where the hell
did Alex run off to with the cart, anyway? I need to go pick up some
coffee.”
He started down the aisle, but Lars caught him by the elbow.
“Hold on. Look, the point is, I don’t know why you think you guys
aren’t any good for each other, but that’s obviously bullshit. Fate
paired you for a reason.”
Ben in the Shadows
77
“Oh, fuck off, Lars!” Jasper shouted. A nearby mother and the kid
she was dragging away from the candy aisle glanced over at Jasper
and gave him a dirty look. He lowered his voice. “Whatever’s going
on between us? Let’s just leave fate out of it, shall we?”
Lars snorted. “Why? You’re mates.” His forehead wrinkled. “Is
this about Mom and Dad?”
“I said leave it.”
Lars shook his head. “You’re not a kid anymore, you know? You
can’t just go on a bender and forget it exists.”
“Well, luckily, I don’t do benders anymore.”
“Yeah, now you just repress everything. You can’t push it away
forever, though. You’re going to have to deal with it sometime.”
“Deal with what?”
Jasper turned to see Alex standing behind them with a now-full [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl wyciskamy.pev.pl
recreational drug user and garden variety manwhore. He glanced
around the supermarket, wondering where the hell Alex had snuck off
to with the cart. He definitely needed to remember to pick up some
coffee.
“Do you guys ever share dreams?” Lars asked.
Ben in the Shadows
75
Jasper turned back to him, feeling the color drain from his face.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“That night, when you found Danny…there was something I
didn’t tell you. I remembered his dream, too. The nightmare he had
when he was sleepwalking? I was there, dreaming the same thing,
right along with him. I don’t know if it’s just a natural part of mating
or what, but we’ve had other dreams together since then, which makes
me think you and Ben might…”
Jasper could hardly listen to what he was saying anymore. In the
weeks that he’d been with Ben, they had talked a lot, but Jasper had
always been careful to keep things from getting too heavy. He hadn’t
wanted to upset Ben so soon after things ended with Pierson, but more
than that, he hadn’t wanted to scare him away. Half the skeletons
Jasper had in his closet should have been enough to send any sane
man running from him, so he’d carefully avoided the subject of his
own wayward youth, stuffing it far down into his subconscious where
he wouldn’t have to worry about it.
Only he had worried about it, night after night, in his dreams.
And Ben had apparently been witness to all of them.
“So we share dreams?” Jasper repeated. “How is that even
possible?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s a mates thing.” Lars raked his eyes over
Jasper. “Why, do you think you’ve done it?”
Jasper nodded tensely. He couldn’t be one-hundred percent
certain, but it made sense. There had been more than a few nights
when, after a particularly bad nightmare, Jasper would go upstairs to
check on Ben and see him turning and moaning restlessly in his sleep.
Other times, Jasper would have a dream involving himself and a past
lover and see Ben glaring at him over the kitchen table at breakfast. If
those moments were all just coincidences, there were an awful lot of
them.
Jasper ran a hand over the back of his neck, feeling every muscle
tense as he watched Ben from across the aisle. He was still talking to
76
Ellen Ginsberg
Danny. “Does, ah…okay, shit,” Jasper stammered. “Danny knows
about this, obviously, but…I mean, you don’t think he’d tell Ben,
would he?”
“I don’t know,” Lars said. He looked at Jasper suspiciously.
“Please tell me you’re not going to try to hide this from him.”
“You don’t know what my dreams are like,” Jasper shot back at
him. Suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to him, and he winced.
Try as he may, he couldn’t shake the image of Ben humbly smiling in
his dream while Pierson explained to the adoring crowd before them
what a noble sacrifice he’d made, letting himself be cut up and
experimented on. “Or what Ben’s dreams are like. Jesus, he’s really
fucked up about all that stuff Pierson did to him. I mean, you have no
idea.”
“I have an idea,” Lars said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The
gesture comforted and annoyed Jasper in equal measure. “I’ve been
counseling him for two weeks now. I know. Just like I know he really
cares about you.” Jasper shrugged Lars’s hand away from him, but he
continued. “The same way you care about him.”
“How would you know if I cared about him?”
Lars gave him a look. “I walked past your room the other night
and you were sitting at your desk listening to Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ on
your laptop.”
“That doesn’t prove anythi—”
“On repeat.”
With no excuse for that other than the embarrassing truth, Jasper
glanced over his shoulder to try and plan an escape. “Where the hell
did Alex run off to with the cart, anyway? I need to go pick up some
coffee.”
He started down the aisle, but Lars caught him by the elbow.
“Hold on. Look, the point is, I don’t know why you think you guys
aren’t any good for each other, but that’s obviously bullshit. Fate
paired you for a reason.”
Ben in the Shadows
77
“Oh, fuck off, Lars!” Jasper shouted. A nearby mother and the kid
she was dragging away from the candy aisle glanced over at Jasper
and gave him a dirty look. He lowered his voice. “Whatever’s going
on between us? Let’s just leave fate out of it, shall we?”
Lars snorted. “Why? You’re mates.” His forehead wrinkled. “Is
this about Mom and Dad?”
“I said leave it.”
Lars shook his head. “You’re not a kid anymore, you know? You
can’t just go on a bender and forget it exists.”
“Well, luckily, I don’t do benders anymore.”
“Yeah, now you just repress everything. You can’t push it away
forever, though. You’re going to have to deal with it sometime.”
“Deal with what?”
Jasper turned to see Alex standing behind them with a now-full [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]