[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
tomorrow."
Anything, to delay the moment. "Certainly. What?"
"Take the brace of Auditors out and show em a good time. I m about saturated
with them. This downside holiday of theirs has been incredibly disruptive to
my department. We ve lost a week altogether, I bet, pulling together that show
for them yesterday.
Maybe they can go poke at something else, till they go back topside."
"Take them where, show them what?"
"Anything."
"I already took Uncle Vorthys around."
"Did you show him the Sector University district? Maybe he d like that. Your
uncle is interested in lots of things, and I don t think the Vor dwarf cares
what he s offered. As long as it includes enough wine."
"I haven t the first clue what Lord Vorkosigan likes to do."
"Ask him. Suggest something. Take him, I don t know, take him shopping."
"Shopping?" she said doubtfully.
"Or whatever." He trod over to her, still smiling tightly. His hand slipped
behind her back, to hold her, and he offered a tentative kiss. She returned
it, trying not to let her dutifulness show. She could feel the heat of his
body, of his hands, and how thinly stretched his affability was. Ah, yes, the
work of the evening, defusing the unexploded Tien. Always a tricky business.
Page 33
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
She began to pay attention to the practiced rituals, key words, gestures, that
led into the practiced intimacies.
Undressed and in bed, she closed her eyes as he caressed her, partly to
concentrate on the touch, partly to block out his gaze, which was beginning to
be excited and pleased. Wasn t there some bizarre mythical bird or other, back
on Earth, who fancied that if it couldn t see you, you couldn t see it? And so
buried its head in the sand, odd image. While still attached to its neck, she
wondered?
She opened her eyes, as Tien reached across her and lowered the lamplight to a
softer glow. His avid look made her feel not beautiful and loved, but ugly and
ashamed. How could you be violated by mere eyes? How could you be lovers with
someone, and yet feel every moment alone with them intruded upon your privacy,
your dignity?
Don t look, Tien
. Absurd. There really was something wrong with her. He lowered himself beside
her; she parted her lips, yielding quickly to his questing mouth. She hadn t
always been this self-conscious and cautious. Back in the beginning, it had
been different. Or had it been she alone who d changed?
It became her turn to sit up and return caresses. That was easy enough; he
buried his face in his pillow, and did not talk for a while, as her hands
moved up and down his body, tracing muscle and tendon. Secretly seeking
symptoms. The tremula seemed reduced tonight; perhaps last evening s shakes
really had been a false alarm, merely the hunger and nerves he had claimed.
She knew when the shift had occurred in her, of course, back about four, five
jobs ago now. When Tien had decided, for reasons she still didn t understand,
that she was betraying him - with whom, she had never understood either, since
the two names he d finally mentioned as his suspects were so patently absurd.
She d had no idea such a sexual mistrust had taken over his mind, until she d
caught him following her, watching her, turning up at odd times and bizarre
places when he was supposed to be at work - and had that perhaps had something
to do with why that job had ended so badly? She d finally had the accusation
out of him. She d been horrified, deeply wounded, and subtly frightened. Was
it stalking, when it was your own husband? She had not had the courage to ask
who to ask. Her one source of security was the knowledge that she d never so
much as been alone in any private place with another man. Her Vor-class
training had done her that much good, at least. Then he had accused her of
sleeping with her women friends.
That had broken something in her at last, some will to desire his good
opinion. How could you argue sense into someone who believed something not
because it was true, but because he was an idiot? No amount of panicky
protestation or indignant denial or futile attempt to prove a negative was
likely to help, because the problem was not in the accused, but in the
accuser. She began then to believe he was living in a different universe, one
with a different set of physical laws, perhaps, and an alternate history.
And very different people from the ones she d met of the same name. Smarmy
dopplegangers all.
Still, the accusation alone had been enough to chill her friendships, stealing
their innocent savor and replacing it with an unwelcome new level of
awareness. With the next move, time and distance attenuated her contacts. And
on the move after that, she d stopped trying to make new friends.
To this day she didn t know if he d taken her disgusted refusal to defend
herself for a covert admission of guilt. Weirdly, after the blowup the subject
had been dropped cold; he didn t bring it up again, and she didn t deign to.
Did he think her innocent, or himself insufferably noble for forgiving her for
nonexistent crimes?
Why is he so impossible?
She didn t want the insight, but it came nonetheless.
Because he fears losing you [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl wyciskamy.pev.pl
tomorrow."
Anything, to delay the moment. "Certainly. What?"
"Take the brace of Auditors out and show em a good time. I m about saturated
with them. This downside holiday of theirs has been incredibly disruptive to
my department. We ve lost a week altogether, I bet, pulling together that show
for them yesterday.
Maybe they can go poke at something else, till they go back topside."
"Take them where, show them what?"
"Anything."
"I already took Uncle Vorthys around."
"Did you show him the Sector University district? Maybe he d like that. Your
uncle is interested in lots of things, and I don t think the Vor dwarf cares
what he s offered. As long as it includes enough wine."
"I haven t the first clue what Lord Vorkosigan likes to do."
"Ask him. Suggest something. Take him, I don t know, take him shopping."
"Shopping?" she said doubtfully.
"Or whatever." He trod over to her, still smiling tightly. His hand slipped
behind her back, to hold her, and he offered a tentative kiss. She returned
it, trying not to let her dutifulness show. She could feel the heat of his
body, of his hands, and how thinly stretched his affability was. Ah, yes, the
work of the evening, defusing the unexploded Tien. Always a tricky business.
Page 33
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
She began to pay attention to the practiced rituals, key words, gestures, that
led into the practiced intimacies.
Undressed and in bed, she closed her eyes as he caressed her, partly to
concentrate on the touch, partly to block out his gaze, which was beginning to
be excited and pleased. Wasn t there some bizarre mythical bird or other, back
on Earth, who fancied that if it couldn t see you, you couldn t see it? And so
buried its head in the sand, odd image. While still attached to its neck, she
wondered?
She opened her eyes, as Tien reached across her and lowered the lamplight to a
softer glow. His avid look made her feel not beautiful and loved, but ugly and
ashamed. How could you be violated by mere eyes? How could you be lovers with
someone, and yet feel every moment alone with them intruded upon your privacy,
your dignity?
Don t look, Tien
. Absurd. There really was something wrong with her. He lowered himself beside
her; she parted her lips, yielding quickly to his questing mouth. She hadn t
always been this self-conscious and cautious. Back in the beginning, it had
been different. Or had it been she alone who d changed?
It became her turn to sit up and return caresses. That was easy enough; he
buried his face in his pillow, and did not talk for a while, as her hands
moved up and down his body, tracing muscle and tendon. Secretly seeking
symptoms. The tremula seemed reduced tonight; perhaps last evening s shakes
really had been a false alarm, merely the hunger and nerves he had claimed.
She knew when the shift had occurred in her, of course, back about four, five
jobs ago now. When Tien had decided, for reasons she still didn t understand,
that she was betraying him - with whom, she had never understood either, since
the two names he d finally mentioned as his suspects were so patently absurd.
She d had no idea such a sexual mistrust had taken over his mind, until she d
caught him following her, watching her, turning up at odd times and bizarre
places when he was supposed to be at work - and had that perhaps had something
to do with why that job had ended so badly? She d finally had the accusation
out of him. She d been horrified, deeply wounded, and subtly frightened. Was
it stalking, when it was your own husband? She had not had the courage to ask
who to ask. Her one source of security was the knowledge that she d never so
much as been alone in any private place with another man. Her Vor-class
training had done her that much good, at least. Then he had accused her of
sleeping with her women friends.
That had broken something in her at last, some will to desire his good
opinion. How could you argue sense into someone who believed something not
because it was true, but because he was an idiot? No amount of panicky
protestation or indignant denial or futile attempt to prove a negative was
likely to help, because the problem was not in the accused, but in the
accuser. She began then to believe he was living in a different universe, one
with a different set of physical laws, perhaps, and an alternate history.
And very different people from the ones she d met of the same name. Smarmy
dopplegangers all.
Still, the accusation alone had been enough to chill her friendships, stealing
their innocent savor and replacing it with an unwelcome new level of
awareness. With the next move, time and distance attenuated her contacts. And
on the move after that, she d stopped trying to make new friends.
To this day she didn t know if he d taken her disgusted refusal to defend
herself for a covert admission of guilt. Weirdly, after the blowup the subject
had been dropped cold; he didn t bring it up again, and she didn t deign to.
Did he think her innocent, or himself insufferably noble for forgiving her for
nonexistent crimes?
Why is he so impossible?
She didn t want the insight, but it came nonetheless.
Because he fears losing you [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]