[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
need to lose it, but quite apart from that he retained the courage and the
determination to live this thing through. When we faced each other again, for
a brief and silent meal, I watched him closely, and I could see that he was
still participating. He was still thinking... he could still see all the
angles.
I felt proud of Sam. I don't know why... there was no reason why / should
find anything to be proud of. But I was pleased. I felt sorry for Mina. The
fact that she'd tried to rub me up the wrong way was neither here nor there.
Personally, I was scared rigid. I couldn't climb down from my lofty pinnacle
of vantage over the possibilities, because it was largely my actions that were
going to steer us through them. I was stuck. In a sense, my reaction was more
like Mina's than Sam's. I was compromised by the inevitable. If anybody aboard
the Hooded Swan was a real hero, it had to be Sam. But he, of course, was the
guy who'd always nurtured a yen to be one alongside a keen appreciation of the
reasons why he wasn't. Sam made sense. I'm not sure that I did. I only ever
wanted a quiet, lonely life.
15
I wore a light suit, unshielded, and a helmet, opaque except for the
eyepiece, with a dark filter. The measure of protection with which I attempted
to guard myself from the mind-invading force was primarily internal. There
were two possible strategies by which I could attempt to armour my mind. I
could attempt to strengthen it in order to withstand the onslaught, or I could
attempt to conceal it, in order to confuse the attacker. The first strategy
required augMENTation, the second disruption. I chose the latter. I had two
excuses for this choice: the first, that I had a strong prejudice against
augMENTation; the second, that I feared my own capacity for understanding more
than the hypothetical capacity of the alien continuum. With the second of
these reasons the wind was in wholehearted accord. He, too, preferred to
befuddle his mind rather than place himself at the mercy of its reflexes.
The only trouble was that I dared not shoot myself brim-full of a
hallucinogen or a psychedelic. I wanted to be high, but not so high that I
Page 74
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
couldn't do what I had to. I needed a measure of sanity.
I chose, in the end, a metabolic anti-catalyst that would slow me down and
make it difficult to think, but which would allow me to think logically. The
same drug would reduce my oxygen-need, and could make a vital contribution to
the potential success of the mission in that way too. I didn't know how long I
was going to be out there.
In order to carry me through the ether to the other ship, I used a standard
torpedo-a miniature spaceship with controls outside. It wasn't capable of
great velocity, but I just had to take a chance on its being adequate for my
needs. I also took a hand power-gun for propelling myself about the Sister
Swan if and when I got there.
I sat on the torpedo in the airlock for a couple of minutes, watching the
glow seep in and flare up, waiting for the machine to grow a halo. Then I
nudged myself out and looked back to see the whole beautiful body of the Swan
bathing in a cloud of white light, more like an angel than a bird. I was just
the tiniest of baby stars, a spark hurled out into a multicoloured night by a
fierce blaze to drift in the smoke and dance on the circulating air.
I picked out the star that might be the Sister Swan. It looked very far away
indeed, though only my imagination fuelled my judgement. There was no standard
for comparison. I pointed myself toward it, fixing my attention upon it while
the fog was building up on my visor. I tried not to look at the coloured
chaos-tried to be unconscious of the reflection of my thoughts in the sky-but
I couldn't help knowing they were there, and knowing the threat that they
posed. I forced as much of my attention as was possible on the single speck of
Stardust, and tried to hypnotise myself by it.
Though the effect of the drug upon my body was fairly stable, the effect on [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl wyciskamy.pev.pl
need to lose it, but quite apart from that he retained the courage and the
determination to live this thing through. When we faced each other again, for
a brief and silent meal, I watched him closely, and I could see that he was
still participating. He was still thinking... he could still see all the
angles.
I felt proud of Sam. I don't know why... there was no reason why / should
find anything to be proud of. But I was pleased. I felt sorry for Mina. The
fact that she'd tried to rub me up the wrong way was neither here nor there.
Personally, I was scared rigid. I couldn't climb down from my lofty pinnacle
of vantage over the possibilities, because it was largely my actions that were
going to steer us through them. I was stuck. In a sense, my reaction was more
like Mina's than Sam's. I was compromised by the inevitable. If anybody aboard
the Hooded Swan was a real hero, it had to be Sam. But he, of course, was the
guy who'd always nurtured a yen to be one alongside a keen appreciation of the
reasons why he wasn't. Sam made sense. I'm not sure that I did. I only ever
wanted a quiet, lonely life.
15
I wore a light suit, unshielded, and a helmet, opaque except for the
eyepiece, with a dark filter. The measure of protection with which I attempted
to guard myself from the mind-invading force was primarily internal. There
were two possible strategies by which I could attempt to armour my mind. I
could attempt to strengthen it in order to withstand the onslaught, or I could
attempt to conceal it, in order to confuse the attacker. The first strategy
required augMENTation, the second disruption. I chose the latter. I had two
excuses for this choice: the first, that I had a strong prejudice against
augMENTation; the second, that I feared my own capacity for understanding more
than the hypothetical capacity of the alien continuum. With the second of
these reasons the wind was in wholehearted accord. He, too, preferred to
befuddle his mind rather than place himself at the mercy of its reflexes.
The only trouble was that I dared not shoot myself brim-full of a
hallucinogen or a psychedelic. I wanted to be high, but not so high that I
Page 74
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
couldn't do what I had to. I needed a measure of sanity.
I chose, in the end, a metabolic anti-catalyst that would slow me down and
make it difficult to think, but which would allow me to think logically. The
same drug would reduce my oxygen-need, and could make a vital contribution to
the potential success of the mission in that way too. I didn't know how long I
was going to be out there.
In order to carry me through the ether to the other ship, I used a standard
torpedo-a miniature spaceship with controls outside. It wasn't capable of
great velocity, but I just had to take a chance on its being adequate for my
needs. I also took a hand power-gun for propelling myself about the Sister
Swan if and when I got there.
I sat on the torpedo in the airlock for a couple of minutes, watching the
glow seep in and flare up, waiting for the machine to grow a halo. Then I
nudged myself out and looked back to see the whole beautiful body of the Swan
bathing in a cloud of white light, more like an angel than a bird. I was just
the tiniest of baby stars, a spark hurled out into a multicoloured night by a
fierce blaze to drift in the smoke and dance on the circulating air.
I picked out the star that might be the Sister Swan. It looked very far away
indeed, though only my imagination fuelled my judgement. There was no standard
for comparison. I pointed myself toward it, fixing my attention upon it while
the fog was building up on my visor. I tried not to look at the coloured
chaos-tried to be unconscious of the reflection of my thoughts in the sky-but
I couldn't help knowing they were there, and knowing the threat that they
posed. I forced as much of my attention as was possible on the single speck of
Stardust, and tried to hypnotise myself by it.
Though the effect of the drug upon my body was fairly stable, the effect on [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]