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the misunderstanding. It s not that, Arman....
I know. I understand. Look people will gossip, and the only answer is to
behave with perfect correctness. If they have no real fuel, their words will
make no real fire.
No, I suppose not. Kei moved to sit on the bunk. Did they talk like this
about Loke?
Arman shook his head, no longer smiling. Not that I ever heard. But that
was a different situation, Kei. When Loke became my page, he was a child of
nine, and when I brought him with me when I first joined the army as an
officer, he was treated almost as a camp mascot. He was popular and
indulged by my men who never saw him as anything but the child he d barely
ceased to be when he died.
His mouth tightened briefly Kei could sense the sadness that caused it.
You, on the other hand, are no child. You re exotic, you re good-looking, and
some of them might just want to do what they imagine I do the hair doesn t
help, he added wryly. You re not a whore, Kei. No one can make you less
than you are, and the idle idiocy of my men won t change my good opinion of
you. I m not going to wade in and crack heads over the issue because they ll
assume there s some reason for my anger. If a comment is made in my
presence, I ll deal with it but not unless. You should ignore it, and if you re
asked about it, simply say you are a manservant. Repeat as often as
necessary isn t that what you healers say?
Yes, sometimes, Kei said, eased a little by Arman s honesty. I m sorry
both for the trouble and what I said earlier.
You really will make me angry, Kei, if you continue to apologise to me.
How many times do I have to say this isn t your fault?
Allow me the luxury of being able to make a mistake on my own account,
my lord, Kei said tightly, but forcing a smile onto his lips as he spoke. I m no
child, as you say, even if I am a prisoner. He tilted his head. And if I consent,
it s no rape. I know my mind.
Arman stood and came over to him, cupping his hand gently under Kei s
chin. In another time or place, he said softly. But not now, whatever you
were to say. I would no more touch you than I would have Loke I never did,
in case you have any thoughts on that score.
Did you want to?
Again, Arman s mouth tightened. No. I loved him but not that way. He was
a child, Kei.
But if he had lived?
Arman let him go. We ll never know, will we. You seem to forget I have a
wife.
You do a fine job of doing so, so I don t need to, Kei said, a little surprised
at his own boldness. Will your child make a difference to your relationship?
Arman snorted and sat down heavily in his chair again. It might if it were
mine.
Kei stared in astonishment at the matter-of-fact tone as much as the actual
revelation. It s...and you know this?
Unfortunately.
The father? You know who it is?
I do now. I don t want to talk about this, Kei. Suffice to say that my dear
and honoured wife is both a protection of and a burden on my chastity, but
she has a different interpretation of fidelity.
I m sorry it must hurt.
Arman dismissed his sympathy with a wave of his hand. It s old news, and
it means nothing to me, truly. The joke is that Her Serenity is going to
welcome the child as being of her kin with some kind of extravagant naming
ceremony. Let s hope the damn infant doesn t have red hair, it doesn t run in
either side.
Kei couldn t understand how Arman could be so sanguine, but he had
reached his limit for such emotional topics. Still, perhaps some of her bile will
be diluted by the joys of motherhood. It often happens that women s
personalities change after birth.
Arman snorted again, and picked up his pen. I suspect it ll just make her
even more smug and insufferable. What about your Reji? Will she give you
children, do you think?
For the first time this morning, Kei felt like smiling. Well, there are two
problems with that. We who have gifts are infertile, and Reji s balls might get
in the way of the baby coming out.
Arman choked, dropped the pen and stared at him. I beg your pardon
your lover is a man?
Yes, very much so.
You never said.
You never asked. Kei bit his lip. Does that shock you? Such things aren t
common among the Prij, I know.
More than you know, actually, but even those who love their own sex are
expected to produce children. Infidelity is grounds for divorce, no matter with
who. Arman seemed still astonished by the revelation. You re all infertile?
Even Jena?
Yes. There s never been a recorded birth, at least. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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the misunderstanding. It s not that, Arman....
I know. I understand. Look people will gossip, and the only answer is to
behave with perfect correctness. If they have no real fuel, their words will
make no real fire.
No, I suppose not. Kei moved to sit on the bunk. Did they talk like this
about Loke?
Arman shook his head, no longer smiling. Not that I ever heard. But that
was a different situation, Kei. When Loke became my page, he was a child of
nine, and when I brought him with me when I first joined the army as an
officer, he was treated almost as a camp mascot. He was popular and
indulged by my men who never saw him as anything but the child he d barely
ceased to be when he died.
His mouth tightened briefly Kei could sense the sadness that caused it.
You, on the other hand, are no child. You re exotic, you re good-looking, and
some of them might just want to do what they imagine I do the hair doesn t
help, he added wryly. You re not a whore, Kei. No one can make you less
than you are, and the idle idiocy of my men won t change my good opinion of
you. I m not going to wade in and crack heads over the issue because they ll
assume there s some reason for my anger. If a comment is made in my
presence, I ll deal with it but not unless. You should ignore it, and if you re
asked about it, simply say you are a manservant. Repeat as often as
necessary isn t that what you healers say?
Yes, sometimes, Kei said, eased a little by Arman s honesty. I m sorry
both for the trouble and what I said earlier.
You really will make me angry, Kei, if you continue to apologise to me.
How many times do I have to say this isn t your fault?
Allow me the luxury of being able to make a mistake on my own account,
my lord, Kei said tightly, but forcing a smile onto his lips as he spoke. I m no
child, as you say, even if I am a prisoner. He tilted his head. And if I consent,
it s no rape. I know my mind.
Arman stood and came over to him, cupping his hand gently under Kei s
chin. In another time or place, he said softly. But not now, whatever you
were to say. I would no more touch you than I would have Loke I never did,
in case you have any thoughts on that score.
Did you want to?
Again, Arman s mouth tightened. No. I loved him but not that way. He was
a child, Kei.
But if he had lived?
Arman let him go. We ll never know, will we. You seem to forget I have a
wife.
You do a fine job of doing so, so I don t need to, Kei said, a little surprised
at his own boldness. Will your child make a difference to your relationship?
Arman snorted and sat down heavily in his chair again. It might if it were
mine.
Kei stared in astonishment at the matter-of-fact tone as much as the actual
revelation. It s...and you know this?
Unfortunately.
The father? You know who it is?
I do now. I don t want to talk about this, Kei. Suffice to say that my dear
and honoured wife is both a protection of and a burden on my chastity, but
she has a different interpretation of fidelity.
I m sorry it must hurt.
Arman dismissed his sympathy with a wave of his hand. It s old news, and
it means nothing to me, truly. The joke is that Her Serenity is going to
welcome the child as being of her kin with some kind of extravagant naming
ceremony. Let s hope the damn infant doesn t have red hair, it doesn t run in
either side.
Kei couldn t understand how Arman could be so sanguine, but he had
reached his limit for such emotional topics. Still, perhaps some of her bile will
be diluted by the joys of motherhood. It often happens that women s
personalities change after birth.
Arman snorted again, and picked up his pen. I suspect it ll just make her
even more smug and insufferable. What about your Reji? Will she give you
children, do you think?
For the first time this morning, Kei felt like smiling. Well, there are two
problems with that. We who have gifts are infertile, and Reji s balls might get
in the way of the baby coming out.
Arman choked, dropped the pen and stared at him. I beg your pardon
your lover is a man?
Yes, very much so.
You never said.
You never asked. Kei bit his lip. Does that shock you? Such things aren t
common among the Prij, I know.
More than you know, actually, but even those who love their own sex are
expected to produce children. Infidelity is grounds for divorce, no matter with
who. Arman seemed still astonished by the revelation. You re all infertile?
Even Jena?
Yes. There s never been a recorded birth, at least. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]